That means so much—thank you! 💛 There’s real power in questioning the norms we’ve been handed, and if my words can spark even a little bit of that reflection, then it’s worth it. Here’s to more fearless conversations and challenging what no longer serves us. 🔥✨
Thanks for recommending this to me! It made me think. I’m not Indian, so I don’t know the culture very well, but it made me think of the culture of last names.
I think when I am given my father’s last name, it becomes mine also and not just something of his that is a sign of possession. But at the same time, having a part of my father in my title makes me feel protected, because it is a statement that I have someone behind me. I don’t know about taking a husband’s last name, because we don’t do that in my culture. But perhaps if one takes it out of love, that’s okay.
Thanks for writing this! It really made me think about some things that we generally just accept…
Love hearing about different cultural perspectives! 🌏
The way we view names and identity is so deeply shaped by the traditions we grow up with. In regressive cultures like Indian society, we were never even taught to question it. A woman’s name was never truly ‘hers’—first her father’s, then her husband’s. The girls who do question it? Often outcasted, shamed, or told they’re being ‘too rebellious.’
It took me a lot of strength, independence, and unlearning to break out of this mindset and even realize how much was ingrained in me. That’s why I write—not to dictate what’s right or wrong, but to force women to stop and think for themselves. And I love that this piece made you reflect! At the end of the day, it’s all about choice—but real choice only exists when we’ve examined why we do things in the first place. 💡🔥
I agree with the sentiment here. After all, marriage itself is rooted in the transfer of ownership of the woman. Its history is largely based on ownership, which is an inhumane and false premise. I'm lucky to know women who elected to keep their names when they got married and, in fact, my friend's children got her last name, not the husband's. Which I think is awesome. She sacrificed her body to bring those children into the world and, thus, should have a bigger say in their names. I personally have a different relationship with names, though. As someone who was born to a not-so-great father and a mother who unfortunately gave me his name, I don't feel like the name that was unwittingly signed for me at birth is mine. I've felt hurt my entire life to carry his name. I am a queer woman who will never marry and have entirely made up the last name I use here and hope to at some point be able to legally change it to that, so I no longer have to carry the name I have since birth. Although apparently the United States will be making it difficult for women who have changed their last names to vote because this country is an outdated hellhole. But I still hope I can. I can not wait to drop my name. But my new one will be of my own making. I actually kind of like the idea of couples creating something new together, choosing a name.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your words are powerful, honest, and so deeply felt. It’s heartbreaking how something as personal as a name—meant to signify identity, legacy, or connection—can instead feel like a lifelong burden, especially when it ties you to pain or a history you didn’t choose. Your decision to create your own name is radical in the most beautiful way. It’s reclamation. It’s autonomy. It’s freedom.
The idea that names should be inherited, unquestioned, or dictated by patriarchal norms feels so outdated—especially when women are the ones who bear the physical, emotional, and societal weight of family-making. Your friend giving her children her last name is something we need to see more of—it’s a small but mighty shift in redefining power and presence in family structures.
And I hear you about the voting issue in the U.S.—the fact that something as basic as a name change could become a barrier to your civic rights is enraging. But your hope, your intention, and your refusal to settle for a name that doesn’t reflect who you are is incredibly inspiring.
You’re not just dropping a name—you’re reclaiming your story. 💛
Have you chosen your new name yet? Or are you still sitting with the possibilities?
In Islam we're told we keep our father's last names to make the lineage of the woman's background clear and because marriage is a contractual relationship, it's not ownership. I didn't change my last name because of it and tbh never felt the desire to. 2 children later, I'll be honest, I sometimes get FOMO when I complete forms, which I know sounds silly. But then the thought disappears and it's no longer a concern. Even without Islam I wouldn't want to change my last name, I've spent my entire childhood and and early adulthood referred to a certain way, I wouldn't want that to change.
Thank you for explaining the Indian custom referred to as "daughter donating" that was really interesting to learn about. If that's the language being used, it brings clarity to the bollywood (and wider South Asian) dramatic feelings of loss when a daughter marries and not when a son marries.
Your perspective is so refreshing and honest! It’s really interesting how different cultures and religions approach naming and lineage, and I love that you’ve found a balance that feels right for you. The FOMO on forms thing makes total sense—it's such a small but oddly symbolic moment.
And yes, the language around “daughter donating” in Indian customs really does put into context the intense emotions around weddings in South Asian culture. It’s not just about celebration—it’s about a deeply ingrained sense of transition and loss, which isn’t the same for sons. It’s fascinating (and sometimes frustrating) how these traditions shape our identities and expectations.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It’s always eye-opening to hear how different people navigate these traditions in their own way. 💛
Article absolutely necessary! I will for sure keep my name! However how ironic - I only have my father’s family name (Casagrande), HE didn’t want me to have my mom’s family name, because he simply didn’t like it. AND my mom didn’t have a word in it. How sad right? F** the patriarchy 🫥
Wow, the irony in that is so telling. I think thats how my name was shaped as well tbf. Even when we’re given a name, it’s often still a decision made for us rather than by us—especially in patriarchal systems where women’s voices are sidelined. It’s frustrating how something as personal as a name can be so deeply tied to control and power dynamics.
Good for you for reclaiming that choice and keeping your name! It’s such a simple but powerful way to say, “This is mine.” And yeah… f**k the patriarchy indeed. 🫠🔥
Thank you for sharing this. I like the way you challenge the norm with your words—fearless, unfiltered, and unapologetically real. You make people think, and that’s powerful.
That means so much—thank you! 💛 There’s real power in questioning the norms we’ve been handed, and if my words can spark even a little bit of that reflection, then it’s worth it. Here’s to more fearless conversations and challenging what no longer serves us. 🔥✨
That means so much—thank you! 💛 There’s real power in questioning the norms we’ve been handed, and if my words can spark even a little bit of that reflection, then it’s worth it. Here’s to more fearless conversations and challenging what no longer serves us. 🔥✨
This is incredibly well written, very strong. It definitely makes me think because from my cultural lens last names are all about family and legacy. But even that can get questionable when I think about the effects of slavery and the use of slave owners last names to describe their “property”. It’s such an intriguing thing the idea of what constitutes identity
That’s such an important perspective to bring into this conversation. The idea of last names as family and legacy is powerful, but when you dig deeper—especially in the context of slavery, colonialism, and forced naming—it really challenges what that "legacy" even represents. Identity is so layered, and the names we carry can hold both deep meaning and painful history.
It’s fascinating (and unsettling) to think about how something as seemingly simple as a last name can be tied to power, ownership, and erasure. Thank you for sharing this—definitely a perspective more people need to reflect on. 💛
Thank you for writing this powerful piece! As a fellow Indian woman, I know all too well the traditions so deeply ingrained in us being there to only benefit the patriarch. And it doesn’t start from marriage, it starts the day we’re born. We need a voice for ourselves, so thank you for sharing this <3
Your words hit so hard because they’re so true. These traditions aren’t just about marriage—they shape our lives from the moment we’re born, conditioning us to accept systems that were never built for us. It’s exhausting, but conversations like this are how we start breaking those cycles.
Thank you for speaking up too! We do need a voice for ourselves, and the more we talk about it, the less power these outdated norms will have over us. Sending you strength and solidarity. 💛🔥
YES is all I can say to this. I’m from Belgium where it has actually never been a thing to take your husband’s name. I don’t know a single woman in Belgium who has done this (it is very much the custom for children to get their father’s name so there is still room for improvement). When I moved to the UK I was shocked at how women, young and feminist women, get married and take their husband’s name without questioning it. I’ve heard women say that they were thinking of hyphenating so they get to keep their name as well but that their fiancés would never do the same?! Why is it expected that the woman will do it? I will never get it. So YES, keep your name!!
YES to this!! It’s so eye-opening to hear about how norms shift between cultures—Belgium’s approach makes so much sense, and yet in so many places, women are still expected to give up their names without a second thought.
And the fact that some men won’t even consider hyphenating while expecting their partner to change her identity? That says everything about how deeply ingrained these expectations are.
I love that you’re calling this out—more of us need to! Here’s to keeping our names, questioning outdated traditions, and pushing for real equality. 🔥👏
Absolutely! A fantastic piece that fuses Indian culture, the global crush of patriarcal society and a bold reclaiming of our identity as empowered women
It’s wild how deeply ingrained these traditions are—so much so that many women don’t even question them. But reclaiming our identity starts with awareness, and I’m here for every woman who chooses to keep what’s hers. 🔥💪
I learned while investigating Islam, that women do not change and are not required to change their last names when they marry. This is for two reasons: 1) It respects her family lineage 2) It's a clear signal and reminder to the husband that she is not owned by him to do with as he pleases.
Before Islam, I was seen as a troublemaker for insisting on keeping and using my own last name. He felt disrespected that I wouldn't absorb my entire being and legal affairs into his own even though he'd agreed prior to marriage. Strange.
I'm glad more women are realizing they are not "owned."
Thank you for sharing this—your story is such a powerful reminder of how reclaiming something as seemingly simple as a name can be a deeply radical act. It’s heartbreaking how quickly “pre-agreed” autonomy can turn into perceived disrespect when someone is forced to confront that their partner is not theirs to own.
What you discovered about Islam is so important and often overlooked—especially in the way it honors a woman’s lineage and draws a clear line between partnership and possession. That’s such a sharp contrast to systems that see a name change as a given, a silent handover of identity in the name of tradition.
You weren’t being a troublemaker—you were holding the line of your selfhood. And I’m so glad more women, like you, are refusing to disappear into someone else’s narrative. Your voice adds so much strength to this shift. 💛
i’ve been questioning this patronymic tradition my whole life and at some point in life i decided to stop carrying my father’s last name. i’ve been fully my own person ever since that day, never been more fulfilled. thank you for writing this.
That’s such a powerful decision—and one that takes so much strength, especially when it goes against something so deeply ingrained. Choosing to no longer carry your father’s name isn’t just about a name; it’s about reclaiming ownership over yourself, your story, your identity.
It’s beautiful to hear that doing so brought you a sense of fulfillment. It’s a reminder that we can break away from inherited roles, that we’re allowed to redefine who we are on our own terms. Thank you for sharing that—your voice adds so much to this conversation. Here’s to being fully our own. 💛
Loved reading this. It reminds me of something I once read by Chimanda Ngozi Adiche but I can’t remember what it was. Something about “how to raise your children as feminists”
Ah yes—you're probably thinking of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s essay “Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions.” It’s such a brilliant and grounding piece on how to raise children—especially daughters—with feminist values in a world that constantly tries to shrink them.
One of her points that really stays with me is: “Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense.” And another: “Your feminist premise should be: I matter. I matter equally. Not ‘if only.’ Not ‘as long as.’ I matter equally. Full stop.”
It pairs so well with what you’re responding to here—this idea that names, roles, expectations, and legacies shouldn’t be inherited without consent or questioned meaning. We can reimagine and rebuild, and Adichie’s work reminds us that it starts young—with what we teach, how we model, and how we resist.
I knew back in the late 1970’s that I would never change my last name. A man I planned to marry was outraged. We didn’t know any woman who kept her last name when she married. I’m not even sure where I got the idea. My boyfriend said it would be an insult to his family and to him. I was in college at the time. We argued over the phone for days.
Then my boyfriend had my mother call me and tell me I was being ridiculous. Sigh.
The last time he and I argued about MY name he said “No wife of mine is ever going to keep her last name.”
Suddenly, the penny dropped and I replied, “ I’m sure you’re right about that.”
He grew very silent at that point. I went on to tell him that if we ever married, I would take his last name.
I already knew our relationship was over, but I waited a month to break up with him. Then I told him I was really sorry, but I just didn’t love him anymore.
When I finally married 10 years later, my husband insisted that I keep my last name. I couldn’t believe I had met someone who felt the same way I did. I asked him what we would name our children, and he replied that girls could have my last name and boys could have his last name. I thought that was perfect.
I later found out that my last name actually came from my great grandfather’s mother-in-law. The family name at that time was Erickson. There were so many Erickson’s in Sweden that the male carrier kept getting the mail mixed up. My great grandfather decided to change their name to Flodstrom, the maiden name of his wife’s mother. I like to think that my last name comes from one of my female ancestors.
This is a very personal choice and I don’t blame anyone who decides to change her name, but I knew from a young age the choice that felt right to me.
Wow—thank you so much for sharing this. Your story gave me chills. That line—“I’m sure you’re right about that”—was such a mic-drop moment. The quiet power in recognizing that someone’s vision of your future doesn’t align with your own… and then choosing you anyway? That’s freedom.
It’s incredible that even back in the 1970s, before it was common or culturally accepted, you already knew your name wasn’t something to surrender. And to later find a partner who not only respected that but insisted you keep it? That kind of alignment feels rare and deeply affirming.
Also, the history of your last name—what a beautiful full-circle moment. To know it came from a female ancestor in an act of practical reinvention, and that you’ve carried that legacy with such intention… it’s empowering in every sense.
You’re right—it's a personal choice. But the key word is choice. Thank you for showing how much strength and clarity can come from honoring that. 💛
This is so well written.How our name never fully ours, just passed from one man to another like a borrowed thing.
I chose to keep my identity
That means so much—thank you! 💛 There’s real power in questioning the norms we’ve been handed, and if my words can spark even a little bit of that reflection, then it’s worth it. Here’s to more fearless conversations and challenging what no longer serves us. 🔥✨
To more fearless conversations 🥂
Thanks for recommending this to me! It made me think. I’m not Indian, so I don’t know the culture very well, but it made me think of the culture of last names.
I think when I am given my father’s last name, it becomes mine also and not just something of his that is a sign of possession. But at the same time, having a part of my father in my title makes me feel protected, because it is a statement that I have someone behind me. I don’t know about taking a husband’s last name, because we don’t do that in my culture. But perhaps if one takes it out of love, that’s okay.
Thanks for writing this! It really made me think about some things that we generally just accept…
Love hearing about different cultural perspectives! 🌏
The way we view names and identity is so deeply shaped by the traditions we grow up with. In regressive cultures like Indian society, we were never even taught to question it. A woman’s name was never truly ‘hers’—first her father’s, then her husband’s. The girls who do question it? Often outcasted, shamed, or told they’re being ‘too rebellious.’
It took me a lot of strength, independence, and unlearning to break out of this mindset and even realize how much was ingrained in me. That’s why I write—not to dictate what’s right or wrong, but to force women to stop and think for themselves. And I love that this piece made you reflect! At the end of the day, it’s all about choice—but real choice only exists when we’ve examined why we do things in the first place. 💡🔥
I agree with the sentiment here. After all, marriage itself is rooted in the transfer of ownership of the woman. Its history is largely based on ownership, which is an inhumane and false premise. I'm lucky to know women who elected to keep their names when they got married and, in fact, my friend's children got her last name, not the husband's. Which I think is awesome. She sacrificed her body to bring those children into the world and, thus, should have a bigger say in their names. I personally have a different relationship with names, though. As someone who was born to a not-so-great father and a mother who unfortunately gave me his name, I don't feel like the name that was unwittingly signed for me at birth is mine. I've felt hurt my entire life to carry his name. I am a queer woman who will never marry and have entirely made up the last name I use here and hope to at some point be able to legally change it to that, so I no longer have to carry the name I have since birth. Although apparently the United States will be making it difficult for women who have changed their last names to vote because this country is an outdated hellhole. But I still hope I can. I can not wait to drop my name. But my new one will be of my own making. I actually kind of like the idea of couples creating something new together, choosing a name.
I love the idea of picking your own name!
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your words are powerful, honest, and so deeply felt. It’s heartbreaking how something as personal as a name—meant to signify identity, legacy, or connection—can instead feel like a lifelong burden, especially when it ties you to pain or a history you didn’t choose. Your decision to create your own name is radical in the most beautiful way. It’s reclamation. It’s autonomy. It’s freedom.
The idea that names should be inherited, unquestioned, or dictated by patriarchal norms feels so outdated—especially when women are the ones who bear the physical, emotional, and societal weight of family-making. Your friend giving her children her last name is something we need to see more of—it’s a small but mighty shift in redefining power and presence in family structures.
And I hear you about the voting issue in the U.S.—the fact that something as basic as a name change could become a barrier to your civic rights is enraging. But your hope, your intention, and your refusal to settle for a name that doesn’t reflect who you are is incredibly inspiring.
You’re not just dropping a name—you’re reclaiming your story. 💛
Have you chosen your new name yet? Or are you still sitting with the possibilities?
In Islam we're told we keep our father's last names to make the lineage of the woman's background clear and because marriage is a contractual relationship, it's not ownership. I didn't change my last name because of it and tbh never felt the desire to. 2 children later, I'll be honest, I sometimes get FOMO when I complete forms, which I know sounds silly. But then the thought disappears and it's no longer a concern. Even without Islam I wouldn't want to change my last name, I've spent my entire childhood and and early adulthood referred to a certain way, I wouldn't want that to change.
Thank you for explaining the Indian custom referred to as "daughter donating" that was really interesting to learn about. If that's the language being used, it brings clarity to the bollywood (and wider South Asian) dramatic feelings of loss when a daughter marries and not when a son marries.
Your perspective is so refreshing and honest! It’s really interesting how different cultures and religions approach naming and lineage, and I love that you’ve found a balance that feels right for you. The FOMO on forms thing makes total sense—it's such a small but oddly symbolic moment.
And yes, the language around “daughter donating” in Indian customs really does put into context the intense emotions around weddings in South Asian culture. It’s not just about celebration—it’s about a deeply ingrained sense of transition and loss, which isn’t the same for sons. It’s fascinating (and sometimes frustrating) how these traditions shape our identities and expectations.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It’s always eye-opening to hear how different people navigate these traditions in their own way. 💛
Article absolutely necessary! I will for sure keep my name! However how ironic - I only have my father’s family name (Casagrande), HE didn’t want me to have my mom’s family name, because he simply didn’t like it. AND my mom didn’t have a word in it. How sad right? F** the patriarchy 🫥
Thanks for your kind words Iz.
Wow, the irony in that is so telling. I think thats how my name was shaped as well tbf. Even when we’re given a name, it’s often still a decision made for us rather than by us—especially in patriarchal systems where women’s voices are sidelined. It’s frustrating how something as personal as a name can be so deeply tied to control and power dynamics.
Good for you for reclaiming that choice and keeping your name! It’s such a simple but powerful way to say, “This is mine.” And yeah… f**k the patriarchy indeed. 🫠🔥
Thank you for sharing this. I like the way you challenge the norm with your words—fearless, unfiltered, and unapologetically real. You make people think, and that’s powerful.
That means so much—thank you! 💛 There’s real power in questioning the norms we’ve been handed, and if my words can spark even a little bit of that reflection, then it’s worth it. Here’s to more fearless conversations and challenging what no longer serves us. 🔥✨
thank you for sharing this! this is really well write, and I would like to see these ideas fleshed out further😌🫶🏽
That means so much—thank you! 💛 There’s real power in questioning the norms we’ve been handed, and if my words can spark even a little bit of that reflection, then it’s worth it. Here’s to more fearless conversations and challenging what no longer serves us. 🔥✨
This is incredibly well written, very strong. It definitely makes me think because from my cultural lens last names are all about family and legacy. But even that can get questionable when I think about the effects of slavery and the use of slave owners last names to describe their “property”. It’s such an intriguing thing the idea of what constitutes identity
That’s such an important perspective to bring into this conversation. The idea of last names as family and legacy is powerful, but when you dig deeper—especially in the context of slavery, colonialism, and forced naming—it really challenges what that "legacy" even represents. Identity is so layered, and the names we carry can hold both deep meaning and painful history.
It’s fascinating (and unsettling) to think about how something as seemingly simple as a last name can be tied to power, ownership, and erasure. Thank you for sharing this—definitely a perspective more people need to reflect on. 💛
Thank you for writing this powerful piece! As a fellow Indian woman, I know all too well the traditions so deeply ingrained in us being there to only benefit the patriarch. And it doesn’t start from marriage, it starts the day we’re born. We need a voice for ourselves, so thank you for sharing this <3
Your words hit so hard because they’re so true. These traditions aren’t just about marriage—they shape our lives from the moment we’re born, conditioning us to accept systems that were never built for us. It’s exhausting, but conversations like this are how we start breaking those cycles.
Thank you for speaking up too! We do need a voice for ourselves, and the more we talk about it, the less power these outdated norms will have over us. Sending you strength and solidarity. 💛🔥
YES is all I can say to this. I’m from Belgium where it has actually never been a thing to take your husband’s name. I don’t know a single woman in Belgium who has done this (it is very much the custom for children to get their father’s name so there is still room for improvement). When I moved to the UK I was shocked at how women, young and feminist women, get married and take their husband’s name without questioning it. I’ve heard women say that they were thinking of hyphenating so they get to keep their name as well but that their fiancés would never do the same?! Why is it expected that the woman will do it? I will never get it. So YES, keep your name!!
YES to this!! It’s so eye-opening to hear about how norms shift between cultures—Belgium’s approach makes so much sense, and yet in so many places, women are still expected to give up their names without a second thought.
And the fact that some men won’t even consider hyphenating while expecting their partner to change her identity? That says everything about how deeply ingrained these expectations are.
I love that you’re calling this out—more of us need to! Here’s to keeping our names, questioning outdated traditions, and pushing for real equality. 🔥👏
“Your name is yours. Keep it.”
Absolutely! A fantastic piece that fuses Indian culture, the global crush of patriarcal society and a bold reclaiming of our identity as empowered women
Thank you! 🙌
It’s wild how deeply ingrained these traditions are—so much so that many women don’t even question them. But reclaiming our identity starts with awareness, and I’m here for every woman who chooses to keep what’s hers. 🔥💪
I love that. The right to keep what’s hers!
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to understand my position better so i can claim whats at the end mine.
I learned while investigating Islam, that women do not change and are not required to change their last names when they marry. This is for two reasons: 1) It respects her family lineage 2) It's a clear signal and reminder to the husband that she is not owned by him to do with as he pleases.
Before Islam, I was seen as a troublemaker for insisting on keeping and using my own last name. He felt disrespected that I wouldn't absorb my entire being and legal affairs into his own even though he'd agreed prior to marriage. Strange.
I'm glad more women are realizing they are not "owned."
Thank you for sharing this—your story is such a powerful reminder of how reclaiming something as seemingly simple as a name can be a deeply radical act. It’s heartbreaking how quickly “pre-agreed” autonomy can turn into perceived disrespect when someone is forced to confront that their partner is not theirs to own.
What you discovered about Islam is so important and often overlooked—especially in the way it honors a woman’s lineage and draws a clear line between partnership and possession. That’s such a sharp contrast to systems that see a name change as a given, a silent handover of identity in the name of tradition.
You weren’t being a troublemaker—you were holding the line of your selfhood. And I’m so glad more women, like you, are refusing to disappear into someone else’s narrative. Your voice adds so much strength to this shift. 💛
i’ve been questioning this patronymic tradition my whole life and at some point in life i decided to stop carrying my father’s last name. i’ve been fully my own person ever since that day, never been more fulfilled. thank you for writing this.
That’s such a powerful decision—and one that takes so much strength, especially when it goes against something so deeply ingrained. Choosing to no longer carry your father’s name isn’t just about a name; it’s about reclaiming ownership over yourself, your story, your identity.
It’s beautiful to hear that doing so brought you a sense of fulfillment. It’s a reminder that we can break away from inherited roles, that we’re allowed to redefine who we are on our own terms. Thank you for sharing that—your voice adds so much to this conversation. Here’s to being fully our own. 💛
Loved reading this. It reminds me of something I once read by Chimanda Ngozi Adiche but I can’t remember what it was. Something about “how to raise your children as feminists”
Ah yes—you're probably thinking of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s essay “Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions.” It’s such a brilliant and grounding piece on how to raise children—especially daughters—with feminist values in a world that constantly tries to shrink them.
One of her points that really stays with me is: “Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense.” And another: “Your feminist premise should be: I matter. I matter equally. Not ‘if only.’ Not ‘as long as.’ I matter equally. Full stop.”
It pairs so well with what you’re responding to here—this idea that names, roles, expectations, and legacies shouldn’t be inherited without consent or questioned meaning. We can reimagine and rebuild, and Adichie’s work reminds us that it starts young—with what we teach, how we model, and how we resist.
Love this article!
I knew back in the late 1970’s that I would never change my last name. A man I planned to marry was outraged. We didn’t know any woman who kept her last name when she married. I’m not even sure where I got the idea. My boyfriend said it would be an insult to his family and to him. I was in college at the time. We argued over the phone for days.
Then my boyfriend had my mother call me and tell me I was being ridiculous. Sigh.
The last time he and I argued about MY name he said “No wife of mine is ever going to keep her last name.”
Suddenly, the penny dropped and I replied, “ I’m sure you’re right about that.”
He grew very silent at that point. I went on to tell him that if we ever married, I would take his last name.
I already knew our relationship was over, but I waited a month to break up with him. Then I told him I was really sorry, but I just didn’t love him anymore.
When I finally married 10 years later, my husband insisted that I keep my last name. I couldn’t believe I had met someone who felt the same way I did. I asked him what we would name our children, and he replied that girls could have my last name and boys could have his last name. I thought that was perfect.
I later found out that my last name actually came from my great grandfather’s mother-in-law. The family name at that time was Erickson. There were so many Erickson’s in Sweden that the male carrier kept getting the mail mixed up. My great grandfather decided to change their name to Flodstrom, the maiden name of his wife’s mother. I like to think that my last name comes from one of my female ancestors.
This is a very personal choice and I don’t blame anyone who decides to change her name, but I knew from a young age the choice that felt right to me.
Wow—thank you so much for sharing this. Your story gave me chills. That line—“I’m sure you’re right about that”—was such a mic-drop moment. The quiet power in recognizing that someone’s vision of your future doesn’t align with your own… and then choosing you anyway? That’s freedom.
It’s incredible that even back in the 1970s, before it was common or culturally accepted, you already knew your name wasn’t something to surrender. And to later find a partner who not only respected that but insisted you keep it? That kind of alignment feels rare and deeply affirming.
Also, the history of your last name—what a beautiful full-circle moment. To know it came from a female ancestor in an act of practical reinvention, and that you’ve carried that legacy with such intention… it’s empowering in every sense.
You’re right—it's a personal choice. But the key word is choice. Thank you for showing how much strength and clarity can come from honoring that. 💛
Thank you so much! Your comment made me feel great. I guess it did take strength to be true to myself.